This Would be Paradise
by Ground Control
Summary: "Screw you, Sasuke! And your stupid baggy pants too! And those dumbass floppy shoes! They're going to fall off in the middle of a spar someday, and hit you right on that icky case of pinkeye that you and your Clan call 'kekkai genkei!" What if the genjustsu world from Road to Ninja was just an alternate universe? A whole world, parallel to the original?
1. Prologue: I Ain't Scared of Lightning

This Would Be Paradise

**PROLOGUE: Come On and Do Your Worst**

-O-0-o-0-O-

"_I ain't scared of lightning; thunder's never killed. I was born in a summer storm and I live there still."_

_-Tom McCrae, 'I Ain't Scared of Lightning'_

-O-0-o-0-O-

Sakura.

That name- that accursed name that her mother had given her on a whim while hopped-up on epidural and hospital-grade pain medication ensured that everyone within earshot knew that she was weak from the moment it left her lips.

That was all that it took. A greeting; an introduction.

Sakura. So delicate. So fragile. So short-lived.

Being named after a tree that only bloomed for a fleeting moment in time; a flower known for its extreme beauty and quick death, was quite unfortunate. Especially for a young woman determined to live a life brimming with danger and casualties.

Being reminded of her almost inherent weakness with every call of her name certainly didn't help.

However, Haruno Sakura was determined to do anything but live up to her namesake.

She would become strong and deadly (for Kami knew that she didn't have the beauty it entailed- she knew all too well from the urchins' teasings), willing to do anything to serve her village and defend those she held close to her heart. And those that she treasured were few and far in between.

With her father, Haruno Kizashi, Yondaime Hokage of Konohagakure, dead, Sakura had firmly resolved to accomplish a single thing with her otherwise meaningless; to live in his place.

To this very day, she was reminded of his death every time her mother even so much as glanced in her direction. It was actually quite painful, really, realizing that you remind your only remaining parent of the very act of sacrifice that caused their other half to pass away.

Well, to be fair, she did have his hair. And his laugh. Even his eyes.

Or so everyone around her said.

Their downcast eyes and murmurs of sympathy and gratitude, their instantaneous respect and pleasant demeanours made her feel…

Made her feel…

Well, to be completely honest, they made her feel sick.

Her stomach lurched with every "How are you, respected daughter?" and "What may I do for you, Sakura-sama?"

She felt the urge to retch whenever a shopkeeper offered her free wares and waved it off as 'nothing' while a ragged child sat begging for spare change on the same street corner.

The world closed in and her breath grew short in the moment in which a faceless stranger offered their quiet condolences on _that_ day.

Her head would spin with dark voices, screaming at her from the most convoluted recesses of her mind. They would remind her of everything she hadn't accomplished. They wouldn't let her forget all of the pain she would have to live through before she could bury her thoughts of inadequacy in the face of such reverence and blind dedication deep in her memory.

Sakura. Delicate, frail and short-lived indeed. Weak.

But most of all, what made her feel the most sickened was herself.

One morning, she woke up and came to the simple and obvious realization that those dark voices were her own; berating her for what she didn't- couldn't do.

Because even though polite phrases, free trinkets and words of sympathy couldn't bring her beloved father back to life, she simply couldn't help herself from knowing that for the daughter of such a revered, powerful and wise man, she was nothing. A nobody.

She didn't deserve anything, let alone what everyone else gave her day after day.

She was a nobody. She didn't deserve to allow herself to be recognized as the daughter of the great Yondaime.

So Sakura would put aside her namesake.

It was no longer time for the vain days of before. She couldn't afford to spend any more time being selfish anymore. The time for childish things was past. She had squandered it all on petty things and empty friendships that would not last the test of the shinobi. None of her playmates would know what it was to offer up your life in defense of so many others who didn't have the strength to. They would never see the light leave the eyes of their comrades. They would never stagger home, sapped of energy and soaked in the blood of ally and enemy alike.

It was on the morning of the anniversary of the death of Hourglass Kizashi that Sakura spoke six words to her weary mother, ragged from the latest of her endless slew of missions. And that was all that it took to reduce her only living parent, a seasoned kunoichi with a decade of experience to tears.

"I'm going to be a ninja."

-O-0-o-0-O-

_**Right, so, a new story.**_

_**First off, I want to establish that this story will be taking place in the genjutsu world of the movie Naruto: Road to Ninja, only it'll be the real deal; no illusions, just kinda-AU. Basically, I'll tweak things to my liking and add to elements seen in the movie. For example; instead of Kiba just hating dogs and wanting to be a cat shaman, according to the subs (WHAT EVEN IS THAT), his clan'll be 'Nekozuka', or since Tenten was always patching herself up due to how bad her aims was, she'll be a medic-nin.**_

_**Secondly, this story will actually hold a bit more humor than my other stories. Yeah, I know, the prologue seems kind of depressing in that context, but then again, most shinobi in the Narutoverse have tragic backgrounds. It'll mostly be sarcastic stuff, but then again, I don't really have any other sort of sense of humor. **_

_**Finally, a new chapter for 'I Don't Hate Mondays' IS on its way, but I've had MAJOR writer's block, and I literally just got a summer job. But it'll happen, no worries.  
**_

_**So, that's it. Enjoy, and tell me what you think. The first chapter'll be up in a sec.**_

_**Merida**_


	2. Chapter 1: Hey You

_**My name isn't even close to Masashi Kishimoto. If it was, I would be both very rich and a whole lot cooler.**_

-O-0-o-0-O-

**CHAPTER ONE: Hey You**

-O-0-o-0-O-

_"__But it was only a fantasy; the wall was too high as you can see. No matter how he tried he could not break free."_

_-Pink Floyd_

-O-0-o-0-O-

_You're not invisible now. You just don't exist._

_Your mother must be so proud._

Haruno Sakura, jounin of the Village Hidden in the Leaves, laughed bitterly to herself as she reminisced of Haruno Mebuki's grimaces and scowls when confronted with the reality of her daughter's goals.

Her mother was a ninja, just like she was. But that didn't stop her from feeling that her daughter should not be allowed to practice the most literal definition of the village's most popular career. Besides, assassinations and the collection of classified information through means of extraction and observation behind enemy lines qualified as the most dangerous specialization that fell under the category of 'shinobi'. And wouldn't you know it; it was what Sakura's team did best.

Team Seven was not what you might call the most inconspicuous at first glance.

A single look identified four powerhouses before even needing to leaf through the standard issue Bingo Book.

Hatake 'Copycat' Kakashi, the single person outside of the Uchiha Clan possessing the famed and coveted doujutsu, the Sharingan, known to have copied more than a thousand jutsu, a feat impressive even for those born of the clan.

Uchiha 'Leg Up' Sasuke, heir to the Uchiha Clan, heavy hitter on a team bursting at the seams with well-known shinobi and apprentice to the feared Morino Ibiki, master of torture.

Namikaze 'On the Money' Naruto, son of Konoha's Red Blood Sea and the Yellow Flash, godson to two of the three Sannin and apprentice to the Godaime Hokage.

And her.

Haruno Sakura. Daughter to the much-beloved Yondaime Hokage, Hourglass Kizashi.

That was all she could say that people would think of her as a first impression. That, and that she stood out in a crowd. Well, she couldn't help it, could she? Her hair was _bright freaking pink._

That was what you got on appearances when confronted with Team Seven.

If you just so happened to know them, however…

Kakashi was filled with boundless energy, which he expected everyone around him to share. He was also always, always, _always_ early to everything, another habit he had come to expect of his peers. If you showed up on time, or god forbid, a bit late to one of his practice sessions, you could expect to have to experience an extra dose of Kakashi's ramblings on how the wonders of young age shouldn't be wasted. That, and no matter what the remainder of his team did, he absolutely refused to remove his mask under any circumstance. Not even for Naruto to heal him.

Sasuke was a playboy. There, she'd said it. If it had boobs and could make babies, he was on it like a starving dog lunges for a scrap of meat. He was in fact the biggest flirt in Konoha, as well as the cheesiest Don Juan that ever lived. Roses, chocolates and all. At least he was his true self around males. And Sakura, after she'd broken his face (not his nose, not his jaw, his _face_) when he'd asked for a kiss in return for his having deflected Hyuuga Neji's attentions towards her with an Uchiha™ glare. And, much like most men in his clan, he was quite protective of those he deemed close to him (he was so bad, in fact, that the true origin of his nickname was a reference to how dogs mark their territory…)

Naruto was a quiet person. At least, he seemed that way until he was truly comfortable being around you. In reality, he was just really shy around people he didn't know well. He was very much like his father, Namikaze Minato, in the way that he was generally quite calm and a real pushover to those closest to him. He was an accomplished medic-nin trained by Tsunade herself and often relegated to healing whatever ouchie the rest of his team had suffered during their 'friendly' spars (to spectators, it felt more like a battle to the death). However, his easygoing personality made him a prime target for the Hyuuga heiress, who had claimed him as her boyfriend from the moment she realized he was going to look exactly like his (very attractive, if Sakura- or the rest of the female shinobi- said so herself) father.

And Sakura…

What exactly could she say about herself?

Sakura did the dirty work.

Sure, Naruto would find himself immersed in blood and guts whenever one of them had a bigger booboo than usual, Sasuke would pummel the enemy into submission and Kakashi would youthfully dance around his own opponents.

But Sakura took care of those parts of mission that nobody could find enjoyment in or wring satisfaction out of.

There was a reason why the Bingo Book had her listed only by name without any other additional details.

Sakura was the blank face in a crowd. Sakura was the shadow that trailed her target's every move. Sakura was the assassin.

Sure, she knew how to have a good laugh (especially if it involved her close friends and a bottle of sake or five), she knew how to smile and could be a fairly pleasant person at most times, but there were some days when she still couldn't bring herself to lift her eyes and glance into the mirror.

She was still afraid to see what looked back at her.

She had more than a few secrets, some of which only her team were privy to, and despite Kakashi's boasting, Sasuke's habit of gossiping and how easy it was to get Naruto to do anything, they knew all too well how important it was to keep said secrets tightly locked away in their pretty heads.

Pretty? How could a callused mass of muscle and scar be pretty?

To be completely honest, Sakura would say that her team was possibly the most attractive in all of Konoha. In fact, she was surprised that they weren't volunteered for more seduction missions.

Kakashi, even though his enthusiasm could be a bit of a natural deterrent, was apparently quite good looking under that wretched mask of his, and very popular amongst women from ages twelve to ninety-seven (which was in fact the age of the oldest woman in the village).

Sasuke… she didn't even need to go there.

Naruto was almost a carbon copy of the Yellow Flash. Hinata had her work cut out for her when it came to warding off potential admirers. Not that she needed help; she was quite the firecracker.

And she didn't really factor into that equation at all, really. She preferred to keep to herself mostly anyways.

Death didn't need a face.

All that Death needed was a moment in which to… _strike!_

In a single fluid motion, Sakura's black-clothed hand shot out and scooped up Tora, the Fire Daimyo's rather difficult and aggressive cat.

"This is –" she winced "-Cheery Blossom to Fountain of Youth. Target has been acquired. I repeat, target has been acquired."

_I swear, one of these days I really will kill Kakashi in his sleep for coming up with such stupid nicknames. I think I'll also kill Tsunade for punishing us with a goddamned D-Rank. _

"This is Fountain of Youth to Cheery Blossom, Smiles and Happy Helper. Assemble at Base of Joy!"

_Actually, Sasuke and Naruto might actually help me out here. It'll be easier to get rid of the evidence that way._

"Keh."

"Oh, shut up, Sasuke", Sakura grumbled, holding in a sneeze. "You're not the one who's allergic to- can this even be _called_ a cat? It's a freaking _demon from the darkest depths of Hell!_"

Tora hissed, swiping his claws and catching them on her elbow-length gloves. The gloves that had cost her twice as much as her share of a B-rank mission. Quality cost money. Besides, it was the only thing that hid some of her more… abnormal quirks.

"I swear to Kami, if I ever see this fucking cat on the streets and I'm not responsible for bringing it back, I will make it my personal mission to skin this furry sonnovabitch alive", she muttered, grabbing it by its nape and holding it as far away from her as possible.

"Sakuraaa…" she heard Naruto plead through the receiver in her ear. "I like cats."

Sighing, she resisted the urge to scratch at her biceps. She was going to break out in a terrible rash later on, she just knew it. "Then why did I have to be the one to catch this nightmare?"

"Oi, watch it. My family is closely allied with the Shinobi Cats, _Cheery Blossom_."

She could practically feel the smirk on Sasuke's face. _Maybe I should break it again, just to prove a point…_

"Smiles, Happy Helper, Cheery Blossom! I said to assemble at the Base of Joy, and we must do so as quickly as possible in order to preserve our youth!"

Tora let loose a low growl, baring his sharp teeth in Sakura's direction.

Retaliating with an equally sharp grimace, she grit out a "Yes, sir." She then began to bound towards Training Ground 7, cursing under her breath and ignoring her growing allergic reactions.

She landed at her destination a few minutes later, her knees bent to absorb the shock of impact and her feet skidded slightly against the ground before coming to a complete stop. Standing upright, Sakura dusted her clothes off with her free hand, still holding Tora at a safe distance with her other.

"Come out, you cowards! I can hear you snickering, Duck-Butt!" she yelled, throwing the surly cat upwards into the large tree shadowing their rendez-vous point. Expecting to hear the sound of flesh tearing followed by explosive swearing and death threats, she allowed herself a grin, which fell the moment she heard the Spawn of Satan itself purring louder than a fangirl.

"Oh, come on", she muttered, eyes turning skyward. "Can't you cut me a break already? I didn't kill the damn thing. That should be my karma for the day. _He_ should be the one covered in claw marks and cat hair."

"Stop praying, Sakura, you know that the only person who can speak to the clouds is Shikamaru", Naruto teased, landing next to her. "Besides, we all know that Sasuke loves him some pussy."

He winked.

"Ew. I mean, everyone- and I mean _everyone_ knows that, but do you really have to keep bringing it up?" she exclaimed, shoving her teammate.

For the shyest guy in their graduating class, Namikaze Naruto sure did have a filthy sense of humour.

She thoroughly blamed the Hyuuga for that one. Neji and Hinata both.

_No wonder their Clan is full of sexual deviants. I mean, with eyes designed to see through anything, who'd be surprised?_

"CEASE THOSE UNYOUTHFUL THOUGHTS IMMEDIATELY!"

Sasuke squeaked. Naruto quivered. Sakura froze.

Hellfire and brimstone rained down upon them, lightning clashing among dark clouds in the background.

Standing on the branch above them all was their genin sensei, hands on his hips and color in his visible cheek.

"Youth is about exploring the wonders that the world has to offer, not exploiting the hearts of pure maidens, Sasuke!"

"Well, you could argue that sex is a wonderful, wonderful thing", Naruto muttered, a smirk worming its way onto his face. "Besides, there is _no way _that any of that crowd of swooning fangirls is _pure_ or _a maiden_. Not after you got your hands on them."

"Damn straight", her other teammate replied, jumping down, the Fire Daimyo's wife's unfortunate pet under one arm. He then began inspecting himself in the reflection of one of his kunai before looking back up and doing a double take. "Dude! You got it in?"

Naruto's answering grin was answer enough.

"More like _she_ got it in", Sakura muttered to Tora, who continued to purr like an electric razor within the grip of the Uchiha, despite the damage done to her expensive hand and arm wear. "Kami knows that she's going to be the one on top."

"Hey, Naruto got laid", Sasuke retaliated with a trademark scowl. "That's more than I can say about you. Maybe if you finally loosened up, you might be able to yank that stick the size of Iwa that's trapped up your-"

"Enough, my cute minions!"

Kakashi's interruption had saved Duck-Butt from the serious beat down that she'd been instants away from laying on that precious face of his.

"Such vulgar accusations of things caught in unyouthful places is tearing this team apart!" he continued, waving his hands about as if trying to invent some new form of sign language.

"He just called _your_ ass _old_", Sasuke interjected smugly. Sakura punched him in the arm holding the cat, which proceeded to go ballistic and claw at her gloves once again.

"You do that again, hairball, and I swear on the Third's grave, I will skin you alive like I did that chick from Kusa who was doing undercover work from Orochimaru", she hissed at Tora, crouching to threaten the animal at eye level. "And I promise, your pelt will go wonderfully with the jacket that I made out of her hide."

The others on her team collectively made sounds of sympathy. Though she was exaggerating her ventures into the world of fashion and design, the brutality and her skills within the field were nothing to be scoffed at. In fact, the last person to do just that had their head mounted on a pike.

Where the pike was then placed on the enemy ninja was of a similar origin to that which Sasuke had been about to imply. There was no possible way for the sun's rays ever to reach that pike again.

"Okay", Naruto began, being the first to speak up after the moment of silence dedicated to reminiscing about past missions. "Let's get back to Shishou before she decides to put us on D-Rank duty. If I ever have to do groceries for some self-entitled old fart on the Civilian Council ever again, I'll submit and pay for the mission to assassinate them all myself _and_ request that our team be the one to do it."

Kakashi, having given up attempting to keep them and their topics of conversation in line simply sigh and mumbled something about '_treason is unyouthful'_ and motioned for them to fall in behind him as they bounded off in the direction of the Hokage's tower. Sasuke, clutching Tora protectively to his chest, went back to congratulating Naruto on 'finally becoming a man' while the latter simply smiled and nodded. Sakura, on the other hand, began to dread having to hear about the whole thing _in detail_ when the kunoichi of the Konoha Twelve met up later at the café for their weekly get-together.

She almost wished that she'd have another mission to complete so that she could duck out without having to hear her teammate's significant other yell at her for not showing without valid reason. Even another D-Rank, almost.

This was a rarity, really. Especially after all of Team Kakashi had made chuunin, and subsequently jounin by the age of sixteen.

This was a punishment.

A punishment for something which had occurred earlier that week; something which had caused serious injuries, village-wide disturbances and mass destruction…

-O-0-o-0-O-

_**As promised.**_

_**It's a bit clunky and list-like at first, but it gets the point across.**_

_**Feedback is appreciated and encouraged.**_

_**Merida, out.**_


End file.
